A Few Things You Can Do To Make Me More Comfortable At Your Wedding

February 24, 2010 at 8:31 am (Feminism, narcissism, Rants) (gayness, heteronormativity, weddings)

Wedding Fest 2009-2010 has ended!

1. Give everyone a plus one, or no one a plus one.  For Christ’s sake, don’t make me show up and keep answering the question “Where’s your girlfriend?!” from surprised wedding-goers with “She wasn’t invited.”  Your wedding is about romantic love (everyone gets a plus-one), friendship (no one gets a plus-one), or family (please, don’t even invite me.)  I know, I know.  Money, space, blah, shut the fuck up.  You’re throwing a wedding with 125 people at it.  My plus-one isn’t going to break the bank.  But taking off everyone’s boyfriend you don’t REALLY like but tolerate might save you some cash.
2. Recognize that it sucks that you can get married and gay people can’t.  I used to fucking hate when people put that note in their program, and then one of my best friends did it, and the language of it worked.  It’s not that hard.  You are exercising a right not everyone has.  Deal.
3. Do not give me too much alcohol and not enough food during the cocktail hour.  I will be drunk.  I will want to be inappropriate.  Just “run out” of drinks for a few minutes.
4. If you’re getting married at a weird time, tell us how to dress.  That way no one looks ridiculous except on purpose.
5. Do not force all the women you perceive as single to catch the bouquet.  Sometimes I try for it, others I don’t.  Don’t make me feel like shit if I want to ignore you.  Also if you play “Single Ladies” more ladies will become single for the bouquet toss.  And please, do not toss the damned garter.  Let dudes catch the bouquet.
6. Listen to the language of your ceremony. All traditional weddings are performed saying “this man and this woman.”  How about “these people”?  Using the traditional language is constant reminder during the ceremony that this is a heterosexual institution, and us dykes and faggots aren’t welcome in it.  It actually hurts to listen to it.